Every day millions of internet users ask Google lifes most difficult questions, big and small. Our writers answer some of the commonest queries
Why dont I have a girlfriend, we ask Google, and Google says: have you considered taking this quiz? We, we girlfriendless people, sometimes women but often men, we take our loneliness and we tap it into Google and Google says: here are anywhere between six and 14 reasons why you dont have a girlfriend. We are crying, now, balled fists to the sky with the injustice of it, then we bring the fists down on a keyboard in a very specific order to ask Google something and Google takes us to a really weird place and says: have you considered the fact that quote-unquote society screwed up your brain way too much?
Trawl the dark crevices of the internet for the answers to this question and you will end up on the end of two overriding theories: the red pill Reddit bro version, where women are shrieking and terrible harpies, evil-doers sent to condemn you to this strange conceptual place called the friendzone, where they dance nude on the edges of the glass of it, cackling and flipping their women fingers at you; or theGQtheory, which basically says that you, a man, could improve yourself a bit by doing 10-15 sit-ups right now and ordering whisky confidently in a bar, and then women will flock to you. Thats it, those are the two options. No in between. The end.
I feel its more complex than that. Anyone searching for why dont I have a girlfriend? is tapping a very lonely little cry for help into the search bar, and all they are getting back is either a 10-point list about how mens rights are good or a link to an $800 blazer. Will an $800 blazer help you overcome the chronic shyness that has been stymying attempts at a relationship so far? Signs point to no. Will wearing a leather fedora, saying alpha a lot and learning how to neg help you improve your underdeveloped social skills? Sort of, but mainly no.