Kids, today we have Tinder‘s most swiped names list. The company has been so kind as to let us know which names were most popular on the dating app in Australia in 2016.
There must be something special about these particular boys and girls. Surely we can learn something from this, another end-of-2016 list?
Yes, thanks to an incredible abuse of power that took place when you were born, you had little say about your moniker. But no matter, the internet is an incredible place and if there is a spot of wisdom to be gleaned for the sake of your dating life, we will glean it.
Let’s use science to find what’s in a name. Google image search science.
First, the men:
So, maybe Chris’ do well on Tinder thanks to their impeccable Hollywood credentials. That stardust settles on you regulars, too.
You’ve got known handsome people Chris Hemsworth, Chris Evans, Chris Rock, plus Chris O’Donnell aka Robin in Batman Forever (where have you been!?) and some other gents with various amounts of hair.
Then again, you’ve also got New Jersey Governor and Trump pin cushion, Chris Christie. Maybe the ladies love an air of quiet desperation?
This is a challenge, given none of these pictures are strictly of people. But judging by the results, the bad boy skater persona is alive and well. Try it out in 2017, but if you’re over the age of 25, say farewell to your knees. Love is suffering.
If you’re a rotund app-controlled racing robot, that’s ok too. Everyone deserves affection.
Seems like Lukes are white, white, lily white. If you’re not a white man, or someone occasionally known as Mark Hamill, your prospects on Tinder in 2017 are not tops unless your name is Chris or Ollie. Sorry about that.
Change your name?
Hope you learnt something there. Now, the women:
So, these all appear to be the Indian star, Samantha Ruth Prabhu. 10/10 would swipe right, she’s gorgeous, but what can we learn here? Very little, save the power of impeccable genetics.
It seems there are A LOT of aspiring actors called Madison. If you’re a wannabe thespian named Madison on Tinder, things are looking good. Perhaps consider becoming one?
But who is that saucy gent third from the top right?
Turns out it’s James Madison, the fourth president of the United States. Following his lead, maybe a slogan will help get you those right wipes. Try something like, the “Father of the Constitution.” Can’t help but give you an air of quiet authority.
On Tinder, you simply don’t need to have human form. Judging by these pictures, some people like their women lush, green and about 630 miles-wide.
Or perhaps what we should learn here is, forget Paris, forget Barcelona, forget that time you visited Thailand’s “Tiger Temple” (simply a scourge on Tinder, why?) travelling to pretty basic middle-American states gets dates.
Who knows? Maybe it’s the cowboys? Give it a go.